Do you vote in political elections?
We have a General Election in the UK, sometime this year. Or maybe early next year. Nobody really knows. The government seem to be waiting for a time when the public start liking them and … well … they’re still waiting.
I have often said that the country would be better off run by cats. Yes, I know that they are complete scoundrels. But we’re ruled by them anyway, albeit individual ones rather than one main one, so would it make a great deal of difference?
Even though he is already a king, Louis Catorze thinks he would make a fine Premier Ministre. Here is just a small section of his manifesto, which is subject to change on an ongoing basis:
⁃ Defence: all cats shall have the right to defend their territory from impinging beasts, yet also reserve the right to wander wherever they wish.
⁃ Border control: see “Defence”.
⁃ Health: all cats shall receive the best private healthcare, and money shall be no object. Meanwhile, even if a human is bleeding from the eyeballs, they shall not be able to book a medical appointment for at least a month (and, on the day of the appointment, the bleeding shall stop). Parkour at 3am shall become compulsory.
⁃ Tax and spending: all humans shall be taxed for the privilege of housing a cat, in the form of payment for the best medical care, the finest food and high-end feline accessories. The more numerous the cats, the greater the tax. And the more stupid the human, the greater the tax.
⁃ Education: all cats shall use mind control, creepy staring and emotional blackmail to instruct humans. If this fails, it is the human’s fault and the cat reserves the right to resort to physical means.
⁃ Policing and crime: it shall be against the law to fail to give a cat what they want, and cats shall deploy sanctions as and when they see fit. See “Education”.
⁃ Environment: all cats shall keep their territory in immaculate condition by pooping in other people’s.
⁃ Pensions and welfare: as a cat ages, they shall have the right to increase taxes indefinitely and without prior notice, and humans shall be liable for this irrespective of their own financial situation. See “Tax and spending”.
⁃ Energy: all cats shall expend net zero during the day, but go absolutely stark raving mad at night. See “Health”.
Would you vote for Catorze? If you’re already doing any of the above for a feline overlord, you certainly wouldn’t be worse off under a Catorzian government …
PS Any vote for the opposition, and any abstention from voting, will be regarded as a vote in favour of Catorze.
