With life getting back to something that resembles normalcy, I decided to ask my cat, Stella, how the pandemic and the lockdown affected her.
Stella, are you sad I’ve gone back to the office? I worked from home for so long.
Really? What home?
This home.
THIS home?
I sat right at our kitchen table for a year!
You sure you didn’t work next door? Lots of weird things going down in that house.
Stella, your food bowl is right under the table. You literally passed directly underneath me countless times a day.
Well, I do like checking the bowl between naps. “You never know” is my motto. But I don’t recall seeing your legs. Were you wearing shorts?
What do shorts have to do with it?
My psyche tends to block out your exposed legs. Something to do with spider veins.
I don’t have spider veins!
Tell that to my psyche.
Well, what about masks? Did it affect you seeing me suddenly wearing a mask?
Of course! I remember being so happy you were finally getting work done.
Work done? What are you talking —
Your nose.
Hey, what’s wrong with my —
But when your nose hadn’t changed I figured you were just covering up your face. Like your hats for your hairline.
MY HAIRLINE IS FINE.
But then the fun-mask period began, and I knew we were dealing with something greater than a ballooning forehead.
We were dealing with a pandemic, Stella. But we don’t have to talk about the fun-mask period.
Oh, but we must! First came the leopard-print mask, if I remember, then the one with cat whiskers and finally a mask that said, in giant bubble letters, “I Am a Cat Dude.”
Fine, I got a little carried away on Amazon one night.
Did you really have to bring me into it?
Be serious, Stella. Didn’t the lockdown affect your life at all?
Well, I did like the social-distancing policy. Cats have had that one for years.
Cats have a social-distancing policy?
But it’s not measured in feet. You don’t want to know what it’s measured by, actually.
How about the fact that suddenly none of my friends came over and we spent all our nights alone?
Are you really going to blame the lockdown for your lack of a social life?
Hey, I had friends over all the time before the lockdown. Like … Jim.
Jim? You’re going as far back as Jim?
Whatever. You’ll be glad to know I’m vaccinated and able to go out, really get back in the swing of things, so things should be getting back to normal here.
How long have you been in the swing of things?
A handful of months at least.
Huh. And yet you managed to watch the entirety of Downton Abbey AND Grey’s Anatomy during that time.
That stuff really sucks you in.
Hey, I’m right there with you. Really liking The Crown, too.
Well, thankfully we got through the worst of it OK, and nobody we know got sick.
What would you say if I told you I’ve been in lockdown my entire life?
I would say go to bed, Stella.
Not before The Crown. That Princess Margaret just kills me!